How did I get here? Who is this person these 3 little blonde girls call "Mom". I'm a Mom?! Wait a minute . . .no . . .she can't be turning 5, you can't be turning 9 and how are you 7 already. . . I haven't done all that cool stuff I was gonna do with my kids 'when I became a mom'! Waaaaaaaaait!!
Anyone else find themselves in a bit of disbelief after the fog of diapers, sea of formula and never ending cycle of crying, sleepless nights, sickness, feeding, changing, holding, exhaustion, depression, loneliness and just the round the clock full tilt survival mode slowly fades away? You all of a sudden realize I am being a Mom NOW . .but not the Mom I thought I was going to be. . . .
The Mom I was going to be "when I became a mom" was a freakin awesome Mom!!! She was going to wake her children gently from their slumber in their clean matching sheets and guide them downstairs where the table is set, the juice poured and the french toast still steaming beneath the fresh maple syrup. The Mom I was going to be "when I became a mom" was going to spend the day while the children are at school baking cookies and making dinner from scratch, was going to be home with the younger children and do colour matching charts and work on reading and spelling together. After school all my children and I were going to enjoy cold milk and warm cookies and scrapbook all our awesome times together. We were going to have quality family time after dinner and play board games and be a cozy warm family in front of the roaring fire.
Not sure if I should laugh or cry !! 3 kids in 3 years, a husband who first travelled a TON and then started his own company when I had my 3rd baby means I was on my own and covered in vomit or poop for the first 5 years of motherhood. I barely remember it - except that it was hard and I was overwhelmed pretty much all the time!! No colour charts, no cosy by the fire. The last 3 years of motherhood I have tried to reclaim me. I sleep in as much as possible so every morning is a horse race to beat the school bell, kids fend for themselves for breakfast (see previous blog post!), I sometimes remember to read their agenda let alone homework, the younger kids at home get ignored in front of a princess movie while Mommy works all day on her computer trying to catch up. Laundry sits washed and folded in baskets for weeks waiting to be put away. Scrapbooks haven't been started EVER for for one child and barely touched since 2006 for the other 2. After school we shove down a banana and race to activities, dinner is created in under 20 minutes from something frozen deep in the freezer and after dinner we are too busy doing dishes and making a big deal about all the toys everywhere that no one sits down to enjoy anything! Even weekends get filed up with other kids birthday parties, play dates (cause they never see their friends from school-huh?) and running in circles to accomplish the tiniest home repair.
This is reality now. This is motherhood now. This is my family now. And I am being a mom now. Not the Mom I thought I was going to be, but my kids think I am awesome and I am loving who they have turned out to be. I must be doing OK.
Perhaps somewhere between the race to school, the friends on weekends and the mess of toys everywhere in my house we will get to bake cookies, to scrapbook and to sit by that fire as a family. Until then, I am happy being this Mom. And so thankful I have tomorrow to be my kids mom again, horse race and all!
Are you the Mom you always wanted to be? Or are you even better?!!!